Welcome back, weary and elated soldier.
So, then. Haven't been back in awhile. So much has changed, most significantly the introduction of my success in one of those New Year's Resolutions I'd mentioned so many moons ago - I finally became a mom! Yes, in February 2008 I gave birth to a beautiful, gorgeous, happy baby girl named Parker. She's absolutely the most stunning child ever conceived and delivered, which I find really fortunate - imagine us having that honor!
What's most shocking is how much my perspective has changed after reading through those navel-gazing posts of yesteryear. For the last year, we've lived through this fog of baby-ness, on a crash course to understand just how to do the right thing, by the books, by the sites, by the other parents and the other parents' parents and everyone in between. It's shocking how much anxiety a new mom or dad endures around this little one. Of course, after a year of baby boot camp, I can smile knowingly like those smug women I hated while pregnant, certain I was going to be different and revolutionary in my approach. But, it's true. You just adjust, learn and reinvent yourself on a near daily basis.
I'm pleased with the change in perspective, not only because it means I have this tremendous little person to distract me, but because I was rather annoyed at myself for 'sweating the small stuff'. By one's early thirties, one becomes so familiar with oneself that the old begrudging challenges become old hat, but we have nothing else to focus on. Then baby comes and all of a sudden, we're thrown into survival mode and everything seems less important. Eventually, of course, this calms and we find our rhythm but by then those old issues are so ancient and have been locked away in the bottom drawer for so long that our motivation to take them out, and replace them in the To Do bin dwindles and dies. I don't have the energy to worry about something metaphysical any longer, and if I do have that energy, I'm certainly not going to waste it on convincing myself that there is something to be unhappy about.
There have been challenges, no doubt about that. Breastfeeding was a nightmare, and the judgmental women out there who have never had the experience of having to give it up prematurely, never will learn and will continue to trodden on the poor moms' already guilt-ridden conscience. I would love to educate more ladies about this. One of our health nurses, who evangelized breastfeeding and announced that noone should ever have to stop, recently experienced the same frustration and disappointment that we did with her first born and now must fundamentally shift her thinking. I would love to interview her and use her story to educate the population. I went through every remedy, including drugs and herbs, physical and mental stimulation, but to no avail. The greatest thing I learned was how to make peace with myself.
Additionally, I went back to work when my daughter was only seven weeks old. We had started a business the month before she was born, and it has been very successful. This means I was travelling alot to client sites and lugging around a breast pump. Picture me wedged into a ferry washroom cubicle, squeaking away with my pump while the boat swayed. Picture also reaching into the laptop bag for a new pen and dragging out a half-full bag of breast milk. No wonder that client never called back. Although it was challenging to return to work so soon, at the same time I think it may have been the right thing to do. I didn't ever have that transition period from SAHM status to re-engaging in the workplace. I do have the good fortune of working largely from home, as this was a business model we had chosen to pursue to provide opportunities to demographics that may not be able to find employers who support and embrace the remote worker model. In fact, this has become the gist of the work I am doing now - developing strategies around advanced communication and collaboration through business process development and capabilities development, to help forward-thinking companies realize the advantages of supporting what has been termed the 'punctuated worker'. This is an innovative concept, for sure, but much less far reaching than most executives expect. Come 2015, so many employees will be retired, organizations will have to find ways to provide new workers with the flexibility and lifestyle they require. Plus there are all the health-related implications, etc.
So, for now, all is well. My daughter is beautiful and well-mannered (although learning to assert herself daily), and we're trying for another. Hopefully it won't take much longer.
Wow, what have I become? Not a drop of sarcasm. I'll have to revisit that next posting.
